Thursday, October 27, 2011

It's the little things...

I don't know what neanderthal majority scientific study group came up with the notion that women are not technologically oriented.  (I beg to know which one of them can actually set ANYTHING up on their TVs or assorted recording devices... But I sense I am about to digress...)  Who set in motion this sweeping generalization that women want nothing to do with gadgets and would much prefer chocolates and roses on any given birthday or anniversary, I am dying to know.  And I say that because the marketing geniuses who have tapped into the female obsession with small appliances are laughing all the way to the bank.  It is in my humble opinion that there is no bigger market for gadgets and appliances than women.  Namely housewives.  Mostly me.  I know I'm not alone!  I challenge any woman who works in the home (you know who you are-- those who state Domestic Diva or Household Engineer as their profession when the national census forms drop into their mailboxes) to admit to absolute giddiness when purchasing a small appliance from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  Go on, you know you want to! 

Allow me to dreamily reminisce on the moment I welcomed home my current steam mop...  That's right.  A steam mop.  I had waited for YEARS-- I kid you not-- to buy one.  I kept debating how necessary it was, the expense of it (they do not come cheap-- who knew steam technology could be so pricey, geez, with having sent a man to the moon and all), etc., etc., blah, blah, blah.  Up until said steam mop purchase I vacuumed, then mopped with a Mr. Clean solution, and then polished with a wood floor cleaner; a three hour cleaning session which produced a sore back and a bucket of sweat.  Well, it so happens that the Domestic gods smiled upon me one day and sent me a flyer from JC Penney, that mecca of domesticity and hands down best deals on anything in town, advertising a steam mop which after all the applicable coupons and store card discounts and sale prices and rebates... came to a whopping $34 dollars, ladies and germs.  THIRTY-FOUR DOLLARS!  I had never before been so elated over an appliance before.  And it was the first time in my domestice tenure that I opened my eyes to all the joys of technology that were available to those in my career field.  Next up... strap yourselves in, now... a waffle maker: two bucks after a birthday gift card and a sale at Macy's.  I was indeed pleased.

And what of other gadgets in our drawers such as the number of tablets out there, and Kindles, and smart phones?  What's next?  I'm like a toddler in the cereal aisle!  There is no self-respecting housewife within a 100-mile radius around me that does not own and regularly use and benefit emotionally from one of these technological wonders!  How 'emotionally', you ask?  It is in the interest of mental sanity that we connect to someone or something outside the confines of our little domestic bubble.  Our smart phones are like little portholes through which we connect to the world outside, breathe a little sanity, before holding our breaths again and ducking back down underwater.  How many of us are at the supermarket, waiting at ballet classes, sitting through endless soccer practices, home all day with a steam mop, desperate for ANYTHING other than what it is we are supposed to be doing.  How many mothers can keep their toddlers quietly entertained for hours at any time of the day ANYWHERE with a simple app?  That flashing light on your Blackberry signalling you there's a BB message or that melodious two-second symphony of a musical chord on your iPhone letting you know you have a Facebook message or text is like a beacon of aaahhhhh.   My husband was so blithely unaware of this that when he suggested downgrading me from my iPhone to a Blackberry to (oh the humanity!) a regular piece of plastic *gag* with a keypad on it, I couldn't hold it together and I burst into tears (which did not help my plight in the slightest-- it just strengthened his resolve to get the cheapest phone and the cheapest plan out there because it was obvious I could not come up with any logical reason why not to). 

I have since regained my composure.  I won't divulge my tactics in the interest of protecting the sanctity of female methods and intelligence, but suffice it to say I have regained possesion of an iPhone and my husband now owns an iPad and has an iTunes account.  I'm currently working on convincing him to go to the dark side with me and replace our PC with a Mac.  Just call me Eve, Adam.  And hopefully, the addition that will pull me out of the 1950s for once and for all, my own car is also in the cards.  He just doesn't know it yet.  Shhhhh... Maybe I will gain the attention of the Audi gods... 

It's the little things...  You can still give me the car with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates in the front seat if that makes it any better...